thin-king

I've kind of converted to tumblr these days. But I shall update you all on what's been happening with me.

Bottom line: I'm trying to lose weight. These are the things that prompted me to do it. (bee tee dubs, all of this is from my Tumblr feed)

d.u.f.f. (wed, sept. 28)
i think one of the most annoying things in the world would have to be when someone who is OBVIOUSLY smaller than you are complains about being overweight or needing to lose weight. while you, clearly heavier than they are, stand nearby listening to them.
OR when you need to vent to your friend about how you’ve been feeling down recently, and your friend tries to one-up you. 

me: i’ve been feeling so ugly lately. like, legitimately unattractive.
friend: well i’m invisible. no one ever pays attention to me.
me: yes they do. you’re so pretty. 

then all of a sudden you’re like, “wait! i came to you looking for you to cheer me up, not the other way around!” and that’s the way the cookie crumbles.  

ps- d.u.f.f. = designated ugly fat friend = me

we all want to be skinny (thurs, sept. 29)
I’m kind of disgusted right now. I’m disgusted with the girls who look at skinny girls every day and think, “I want to look like that.” Not because it’s wrong to want to lose weight. Hell, I want to lose weight! I haven’t been on a scale since I’ve been at college and there’s no way in hell I’m getting on one any time soon. I know I weigh somewhere between 200 and 207 pounds. On a BMI chart that makes me “obese.” Am I happy with that? No. Do I want to lose weight? Yes. But let me tell you WHY I want to lose weight. 

I want to lose weight because it’s the healthy thing to do. My weight is going to get in the way of my life, and I refuse to let that happen.

I want to lose weight to feel better about myself. Because I love myself enough that I deserve to feel good. 

These things are my motivation. I have a boyfriend who thinks I’m beautiful. My family and friends think I’m pretty. I make friends fine. My weight doesn’t keep people from speaking to me. But I want to feel beautiful, and I feel losing weight will help. 

The thing is, that is the thing. Losing weight will only help. It won’t be everything. Weight loss is just one of the steps towards loving yourself. When you lose weight, you shouldn’t love yourself more because there are a couple inches off your waist. You should love yourself for setting goals and working through them, even if it was tough. You should love yourself because you reached a goal, hopefully a healthy one, and it’s going to allow you to live your life in a way that carrying extra weight around wouldn’t let you do. Weight loss is a temporary fix. I hate to tell you all this, but no matter how much weight you lose, unless you disappear, there will always be someone skinnier or “prettier” than you are. It doesn’t matter how skinny you are unless you can look at yourself in the mirror and love your own face. Because you are beautiful. I cannot stress this enough. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT. 

I’m just… completely disgusted. Disgusted because I look at girl who think the same thoughts I have and pray to God that no one ever has to feel that way again. Society is so warped these days. You don’t even understand. Crash diets? Eating disorders? What the fuck is happening to girls today? Being skinny because of these things is far more unhealthy than being what society might call “fat” but eating a healthy diet and exercising. And not just physically unhealthy, but also mentally, spiritually, emotionally… These things fuck you up. An obsession with weight loss, in my opinion, is sick. I’d rather be “fat” (and I use the term lightly) and happy than skinny and sick. 

If you’re going to try and lose weight, I can’t stop you. But I can beg you, do it for yourself. And every day, instead of looking at some skinny girl on the internet, look at yourself and smile. Put on that Bo Burnham song or an Aziz Ansari track that you listen to and just can’t resist laughing. And when you see yourself smile, realize how beautiful you are. Do it for you. Not for society. Not for some boy. (You shouldn’t have to change for them to like you. And if the only reason they like you is because you are now skinnier, and being the the relationship makes you afraid to gain any weight, it’s a superficial relationship. Just think about it, please.) But do it for you. Like I said, it won’t matter how skinny you are if you have an ugly outlook. 

Some of you may be thinking, “I never smile because then I have two chins.” But I can promise you, you’re smile can light up a room. 

Lose weight because you love yourself. Don’t lose weight and expect to love yourself as a result.

          Then I saw this:
         






          So I wrote this:

fasting (thurs, sept. 29)
is in complete honesty one of the worst things you can do for you body. 

this is because when you fast, it freaks your body out. it doesn’t know what to do. 

then when you finally eat again, your body just retains every last bit it can and converts it all to fat because it doesn’t know when it’s going to get those nutrients again. 

eating barely anything during the day like the 2,4,6,8 diet and things like that where you only eat like, 200 calories a day? that does the same thing. 

when you eat like this, you deprive your body of vital nutrients. you make yourself sick.  

if your’e trying to lose weight, go here ->http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htmcalculate how many calories you should be eating daily. I’m guessing it’s somewhere over 1500. 

and that’s probably in the low range for extreme weight loss. 

so, if that’s what you’re supposed to be eating, imagine what you’re doing to yourself when you fast or eat less than half that number in a week. 

please stop starving yourselves.  

eat healthily and work out. burn more calories than you take in. that is how you should lose weight. i will do it with you, even, if you just promise me you will stop killing yourself. 

thanks. 

So, after all of the terror of seeing so many girls who chose to starve themselves for the sake of "beauty," I decided to set and example.

ten things. (fri, sept. 30)
this is what i’m gonna do. 

i’m going to lose weight. the healthy way. are you ready for this? 

1. drink water. if i can’t find water, fruit smoothies, sports drinks, things of that nature.
2. no more chex mix.
3. no more chocolate muffins/cupcakes.
4. get a decent amount of sleep.
5. cut down on white breads, pastas, etc. (aka carbs)
6. 3 sets of 12 lunges, 3 sets of 12 push ups monday, wednesday, friday, sunday
7. 3 sets of 12 squats, 3 sets of 12 sit ups tuesday, thursday, saturday
8. 30 minutes one the elliptical/stationary bike/treadmill (or combo) every day in addition to sets
9. stop making excuses.
10. love who i am. 

do it with me?

And so it began.

Day 1 (friday)
Today I officially started watching what I eat. I went on that calorie counter website today to calculate how many calories I need to intake to lose weight healthily. At my height (5’ 8”) and weight (204lbs) working out 5 times a week, these are my numbers: 

Maintenance: 2414 Cal/dayFat Loss: 1931 Cal/dayExtreme Fat Loss: 1632 Cal/day 

So, today I started counting calories. 

Breakfast: Nothing (0 Cal)Lunch: Flatbread/fruit smoothie (570 Cal)Snack: Acai Machine Naked Juice (280)Dinner: Brussel sprouts/pasta salad/honey mustard chicken/biscuits with apple butter(96+350+300+540=1,286 Cal)Total: 2,136 

So. Not the best day. I realize my dinner was a little indulgent… I made it. And originally there were no biscuits involved. But then my mom wanted biscuits. It is my first day. And I know that’s not an excuse, but this is a process. Honestly, the fact that I counted my calorie intake at all surprises me. Also, this helps me realize that on average, the way I’m eating now is just maintaining my weight, instead of at a level to lose it, which is what I want. So now I know what to look out for. I hope to improve this, little by little. Like I said, it’s a process. 

Day 2 (saturday)
Breakfast: Coffee with creamer (105 Cal)
Lunch: Under 550 Cal meal at Applebees (<550)
Dinner: 1 serving of some pasta thing my boyfriend made me/salad with raisins, pecans, and balsamic vinaigrette (180+90+75+unknown amount in the salad mix)
Total: 838 (aka not enough) 

Hmm… I’ll get there. Gotta figure out the balance. 

Day 3 (sunday)
Breakfast: Coffee with creamer (105)
Lunch: Apple, 1 serving of chili, 1 serving of sausage/egg/cheese casserole (95+unknown+unknown)
Snack: 1/2 of a Naked Juice (140)
Dinner: Cheerios, banana, skim milk (190+105+90)
Total: 725 + however many calories were in the casserole and the chili 

So. Toady was probably closer to how many calories I need to be eating, but still a bit short. I think I shall go get on the elliptical soon.  

Day 4 (monday)
Breakfast: Raisin Bran with Skim milk (280+90)
Lunch: Peach smoothie and flatbread (210+170)
Dinner: Cottage cheese and Turkey in honey wheat wrap with tomato, spinach, bell peppers, mozzarella, and cucumber (116+?)
Total: 866 + whatever my sandwich was 

Exercise: 30 min stationary bike (103 Cal); 10 min elliptical (100 Cal); 2 sets 12 lunges 

Today was a good day. I feel good. I’m really proud of the fact that I worked out today, because it is definitely not one of my favorite things to do. I’m still kind of under my calorie count compared to where I should be, but the thing is I eat, I feel full, I stop eating. It’s not like I’m starving myself, I promise. If I was that hungry, I would eat. Trust me. 

So yeah. Now I just need to keep up the motivation and I’ll be good (:

i think the best thing about this process is that i’m proud of myself. i always start things and then never finish them. but i’m determined to see this through. and for that alone, without even having lost the weight yet, i’m proud of myself.

however, in the way of weight loss, i have made an achievement already (: the other day when i stood on the scale, there was a 1 instead of a 2 at the beginning. i cannot even start to explain how good that made me feel about what i’m doing. so that’s what i’m working for. now that theres a one in front, i’m looking forward for when my weight starts with 18 instead of 19.

it’s baby steps like that that make me excited. because even though the end result will be fantabulous, i can’t look that far ahead. because if i get to 189, and i’m looking ahead to 145 (my ugw) i’ll feel really discouraged. but if i get to 189 and consider the fact that it was originally 204, then i’ll feel really good about the weight i’ve lost.

so, one day at a time. progress not perfection. all that jazz and other aa lingo.

<3 

positivity and leeches

That awkward moment when...

• your ex is now your gynecologist and he/she recognizes you by your genitalia.
• you draw a self-portrait you really hate and someone says, "Well, I can definitely tell it's you."
• you decide to change with your blinds open thinking, "No one can see me." Then someone sees you.
• you're the only kid from the original HP cast who didn't grow up to be a total hottie.

I just don't really know any more.. Being away from Evan is terrible. I really hate it...

I've been feeling sub-par recently. I've applied sporadically to jobs for the past 2 1/2 years now, and never even got an interview. My boyfriend just got the first job he applied for. My hips are too big for jeans and my feet are too big for shoes. My friends know how to survive without me. Every time I walk into my art classes I feel like something I always thought I was good at is being slowly taken away from me...

I'm gonna paint my nails now.

So. It's been almost a week since I last updated this. It's currently 11:15 p.m. My roommate and I just watched the original animated Robin Hood movie. The one where Robin Hood is portrayed as a fox. It's a good'un.

So. Mom. I know I said it was okay. But I really don't want you to read my blog any more... I don't know why. It just... Bothers me to know that you're reading it. You may read the rest of this post, though. I will give you that. I'm just upset because if you wondered if I would continue to write at all if I knew you read it, then you shouldn't have said anything... Sorry mommy. I love you. Or! You know what? We can work out like, a little system. Like, when you check my blog if it has *** at the top you know not to read it. And the if there's nothing it's okay. Idk. We'll work something out.

So, last week was basically the week out of hell. A lot of things went wrong, including my teacher not taking a grade on a project I spent 9 hours on, my really expensive colored pencils breaking repeatedly, my grandmother being in the hospital, and crashing my car. So after that week, I refuse to be negative. So, I'm going to list some of the positive things that happened to me today.

1. I finished a self portrait project I've been working on for a really long time now and I'm very proud of it.
2. Although I wrecked my car it resulted in me going home which in turn resulted in me getting my mother's old leather portfolio to replace my cardboard one. So, today, that meant my portfolio didn't fall apart in the rain and my artwork stayed protected.
3. Although it rained today, there was no wind. And it could've rained much harder. And I like the rain <3
4. I had some time to play around and do some photo editing today, which is what I really love.
5. My roommate, my friend from down the hall, and I all sat in my room and watched the animated version of Robin Hood.
6. I got other people to be positive, too.
7. All of my friends listening to Disney music while working on our art projects.
8. Getting to talk to Anna, who is basically the older sister I never had.
9. The fact that, even though the sandwich the Boar's Head made for me at lunch was completely wrong, it still had the meat I wanted on it and I was only charged for a veggie sandwich.
10. It's actually starting to feel like Autumn, which is my favorite time of year.

So, there's a list of 10 things I looked at positively today. I kept telling people that anywhere around me is a zero-negativity zone. It actually really helps. It makes me feel not so much like a robot, which is how I was beginning to feel. I was genuinely miserable this weekend because I didn't get to see my friends like I wanted to. But because of crashing my car, I got to visit my grandma who came home from the hospital on Friday and see my boyfriend. Unfortunately, I was so ate up with not being able to see my friends that I didn't even take time to enjoy the people I did get to see. And that just isn't fun at all. So, like Timon and Pumba say, "Hakuna Matata." (I got to see that movie in 3D this weekend... it was awesome.)

I think everyone needs to do that every once in a while. Society gets so overwhelmed with all the shitty things that happen we all develop this "morbid fascination with the negative" as my dad calls it and this obsession makes it difficult to see all the good things around us. So we all sit around feeling sorry for ourselves and saying, "Yeah, but...!" when we don't get our way. So yea, I would've liked to see my friends this weekend and not have crashed my car, but it resulted in quality time with my parents, my grandma, my boyfriend, and a new portfolio. See? There are ways to make good out of what seems like a terrible situation.

These are the photos I edited today. They're all screenshots from Bo Burnham's music video, "Oh Bo."

The other day my professor compared Aesop's Fables to Garfield... I was like, "Um... What?" Not that either of them matter because, well, they're about animals and we're people.

Today one of my professors pulled up a YouTube video in class. And he didn't have to override a block to do so. college > high school

I had some other things I wanted to say... What were they? *check Tumblr to see*

The other day I was running late to class. A kid I just met this year and have one class with happened to see me walking by. He had a golf club with him. And he though it would be funny if he stuck it out in front of me while I was walking towards him. I freaked out. I was on a mission and so focused on getting to class I about jumped 5 feet when all of a sudden there was a golf club handle blocking me. It would have been really funny if I hadn’t been in such a rush.

My boyfriend informed me that he saw a shirt that said, “Oedipus was the first mother fucker.” Bo Burnham would be proud.

P.S. I spelled Oedipus without using spellcheck. That’s because I actually know who Oedipus is. Hooray for Mythology and AP English!

I wish I was smart enough for Bo Burnham… Or famous. So I’d at least have a chance of meeting him… I wonder if there’s an address anywhere so I can send my fanmail. Cause I’m not going to bother writing it if I can’t even get it to him. That would just be silly. I am, however, going to compile a list of things I would say to/ask him if we ever did meet.

So, there's that... And I really am working on that list.

I really hate how on Tumblr there are people who never actually write anything themselves. Or take photos or even post quotes they like. They just reblog everything. You go to their profile and just EVERYTHING is something that's been reblogged. Whatever part of their brain makes their finger hit the reblog button 500 times a day needs to be unclogged so they don't reblog. I reblog sometimes. It's no big deal, every once in a while. But I always but why I reblogged it. So please, reblog responsibly.

Why in the world would PJ want Nyan Cat? Why? If you're PJ and Nyan Cat was for you... screw you.

Now it's time for... *drumroll*

Things My Roommate Says that Take Me Off Guard

• Squirrels are like super rodents.
• Me: I have so much to do tonight. 
• Her: I have so much to do for the rest of my life.
• He was like, "You're so fucking cute," and she was like, "I fucking love you," and he was like, "No, I fucking love you," and I was like, "Actually, neither of you are fucking cute and your children are going to be messed up."
• I would send you to Boston to see Bo Burnham if I could, just because it would make you happy.
• Her: What's the weather like? 
• Me: I don't know.
• Her: You're no good for anything.

There are definitely more of those to come.

Bo Burnham tweets: “Behold! Art!” to something creative he did.

Everyone else replies, “Art is dead,” and thinks they’re the clever ones because that’s the name of one of his songs.

The other day my friend listened to a Bo Burnham song for the first time. Part of the way through the song she turned to me with this highly scandalized expression on her face and asked, "Did he just say what I think he said?" Completely unfazed I answered, "Why yes. Yes he did." I think that's the beauty of Bo Burnham's lyrics. They're so unexpected. It's like when you just get pieces of a conversation and hear something completely inappropriate and off-topic except with Bo, when you think, "No, there's now way he just said, 'intact hymen.'" Except he did. And that's why people love him.

I've come to notice that the only time I get any attention on my Tumblr is when I mention/tag Bo... Weird.

This is my Inca Kola, as you can see. until this sunday, I didn’t know you could get it anywhere except South America. It’s like carbonated bubblegum, otherwise known as Heaven. My dad personally calls is “Icky Cola.” Lot’s of people don’t like it. My roommate happens to be one of those people. But I don’t care. It just means I get to drink it straight out of this 2 liter bottle. (: I think the reason I like Inca Kola so much is because of what it means to me. When I was in 7th grade, the summer before 8th, I got to go on this amazing trip to Peru, and at the lodges we stayed at they had this Inca Kola. It came in glass bottles, just like all the other pop, that you could by for a dollar and then you would give them the bottle back and they would recycle it. I remember one or two of us would by a thing of soda and then we would pass it around and like, 5 people would share this one bottle. We became like a family that week. I remember the hammocks and the food and rain and the howler monkeys... So you may not like it, but I sure do.

I think that's all I have to say for tonight. I mean, I have more. I always have more. But it's 12:30 now. And there's sleeping to be done.

Good night, my dear readers. Parting is such sweet sorrow... Except when there's a leech involved.

i'm an art major.

If you have any hipster status at all, 30 points are automatically deducted if you're fat.


I wish people would take time to understand what an art major entails before declaiming it as doodles and shapes. Just because we're not sitting around with graphing calculators and solving equations or writing papers late into the night doesn't mean we're not working just as hard if not harder than people undertaking other majors. Do you think I wanted to lock myself up in the media room for 2 1/2 hours coloring in a 3"x12" grid made of 1/4" squares until I went cross-eyed? No, I most certainly did not. But I did. And even though it may have just looked like a bunch of fancy filled-in squares to you, I worked really hard on it. And tonight when I lock myself up in the media room doing what looks to you like just cutting shapes out of black paper, it will really be me busting my ass to make the cleanest lines and most interesting shapes I possibly can so I don't fail foundations and miss my chance to submit a portfolio to get into the program I want at the end of this year. Because missing that portfolio review means taking the same classes again to try and make the review the next year. And at that point, if I even get in because the program only accepts 32-36 people a year depending on availability, I'll already be a year behind because the program takes 3 years. Say good-bye to the class of 2015 and hello to the class of 2016.


Art is the easiest thing in the world to do poorly and the hardest thing to do well. That's what my drawing instructor keeps telling us, anyway. And it's completely true. Because art is completely subjective. Something I feel proud of may not be what my instructor wants at all.


So think, please, before you go thinking whatever you have to do for your major is more difficult than what art majors do. And if you do say what we do is easy, then please, let's see you try. Oh what's that? You can't? That's what I thought. Okay bye.


I just got a tumblr account (which you can view here --> *click*) and I think that I might be using it incorrectly. Seriously. Like, 3 of the people who reblogged one of my posts have the same picture/theme on their profile. And the picture is really gross. And then another person, when I went to look at their profile thingy, it was almost all photos of naked/half-naked women. I’m severely confused here…

Social networking is like crack cocaine. It takes up all my time and makes my pupils look dilated. Or, in the words of Bo Burnham (you thought I was going to go for a whole post without talking about him, did you?) on Twitter: "Twitter is like crystal meth because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it."

My roommate and I mention each other Twitter even when we're sitting in the same room.

The other day when I locked myself the media room for 2 1/2 hours, there was one redeeming part of that experience, and that was meeting another girl in my dorm who was working on an art project, too. Just to set the scene, it's me, a chunky white girl with dyed hair, and this black girl with braids sitting across a table from each other and working on individual art projects. She said the word "dope" a lot and liked Disney soundtracks (we ended up working to music from "Anastasia"). She was also married. A freshman in college, she told me she and her husband were just married at the very end of August, so just a couple weeks ago. He lives in another town but isn't going to college. They had been dating for 3 years and were engaged for 1. I told her that getting married right out of high school was very brave of her and that her ring was blingin'. It was a good time.

I have some more awkward moments for you! 

That awkward moment when...

• you've already gone pee and then you realize there's no toilet paper or anyone to bring any to you.
• you're on Skype with someone and your roommate walks in in their towel.
• someone has in an earpiece and you respond to what they say because you think they're talking to you.
• you finish taking your shower and realize you forgot a towel.
• you see someone you went to high school with but didn't really know but you feel obligated to smile at each other anyway.
• someone de-friends you and then sends a friend request 3 months later.
• you ask someone when they're due and they're not pregnant, just fat.
• someone asks you when you're due and you're not pregnant.
• your doctor asks you if you're sexually active and you mother's in the room. 
• (Even if you aren't, this is a seriously embarrassing question. Let's just be honest, here.)
• you call someone to ask if they've seen your phone.
• you know you've seen someone before and just can't think of where... then realize you're related.
• you tell a friend an entire, detailed story and at the end remember they were there, too.
• you start to flirt with a guy and then his boyfriend walks up.

It's Friday. Behind me, my roommate is catching her mother up on all the latest gossip over the phone which I am now privy to. I think I'm going to lock myself in the media room and start cutting those shapes, now.

But first, pajamas!

love. kinsey.