thin-king

I've kind of converted to tumblr these days. But I shall update you all on what's been happening with me.

Bottom line: I'm trying to lose weight. These are the things that prompted me to do it. (bee tee dubs, all of this is from my Tumblr feed)

d.u.f.f. (wed, sept. 28)
i think one of the most annoying things in the world would have to be when someone who is OBVIOUSLY smaller than you are complains about being overweight or needing to lose weight. while you, clearly heavier than they are, stand nearby listening to them.
OR when you need to vent to your friend about how you’ve been feeling down recently, and your friend tries to one-up you. 

me: i’ve been feeling so ugly lately. like, legitimately unattractive.
friend: well i’m invisible. no one ever pays attention to me.
me: yes they do. you’re so pretty. 

then all of a sudden you’re like, “wait! i came to you looking for you to cheer me up, not the other way around!” and that’s the way the cookie crumbles.  

ps- d.u.f.f. = designated ugly fat friend = me

we all want to be skinny (thurs, sept. 29)
I’m kind of disgusted right now. I’m disgusted with the girls who look at skinny girls every day and think, “I want to look like that.” Not because it’s wrong to want to lose weight. Hell, I want to lose weight! I haven’t been on a scale since I’ve been at college and there’s no way in hell I’m getting on one any time soon. I know I weigh somewhere between 200 and 207 pounds. On a BMI chart that makes me “obese.” Am I happy with that? No. Do I want to lose weight? Yes. But let me tell you WHY I want to lose weight. 

I want to lose weight because it’s the healthy thing to do. My weight is going to get in the way of my life, and I refuse to let that happen.

I want to lose weight to feel better about myself. Because I love myself enough that I deserve to feel good. 

These things are my motivation. I have a boyfriend who thinks I’m beautiful. My family and friends think I’m pretty. I make friends fine. My weight doesn’t keep people from speaking to me. But I want to feel beautiful, and I feel losing weight will help. 

The thing is, that is the thing. Losing weight will only help. It won’t be everything. Weight loss is just one of the steps towards loving yourself. When you lose weight, you shouldn’t love yourself more because there are a couple inches off your waist. You should love yourself for setting goals and working through them, even if it was tough. You should love yourself because you reached a goal, hopefully a healthy one, and it’s going to allow you to live your life in a way that carrying extra weight around wouldn’t let you do. Weight loss is a temporary fix. I hate to tell you all this, but no matter how much weight you lose, unless you disappear, there will always be someone skinnier or “prettier” than you are. It doesn’t matter how skinny you are unless you can look at yourself in the mirror and love your own face. Because you are beautiful. I cannot stress this enough. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT. 

I’m just… completely disgusted. Disgusted because I look at girl who think the same thoughts I have and pray to God that no one ever has to feel that way again. Society is so warped these days. You don’t even understand. Crash diets? Eating disorders? What the fuck is happening to girls today? Being skinny because of these things is far more unhealthy than being what society might call “fat” but eating a healthy diet and exercising. And not just physically unhealthy, but also mentally, spiritually, emotionally… These things fuck you up. An obsession with weight loss, in my opinion, is sick. I’d rather be “fat” (and I use the term lightly) and happy than skinny and sick. 

If you’re going to try and lose weight, I can’t stop you. But I can beg you, do it for yourself. And every day, instead of looking at some skinny girl on the internet, look at yourself and smile. Put on that Bo Burnham song or an Aziz Ansari track that you listen to and just can’t resist laughing. And when you see yourself smile, realize how beautiful you are. Do it for you. Not for society. Not for some boy. (You shouldn’t have to change for them to like you. And if the only reason they like you is because you are now skinnier, and being the the relationship makes you afraid to gain any weight, it’s a superficial relationship. Just think about it, please.) But do it for you. Like I said, it won’t matter how skinny you are if you have an ugly outlook. 

Some of you may be thinking, “I never smile because then I have two chins.” But I can promise you, you’re smile can light up a room. 

Lose weight because you love yourself. Don’t lose weight and expect to love yourself as a result.

          Then I saw this:
         






          So I wrote this:

fasting (thurs, sept. 29)
is in complete honesty one of the worst things you can do for you body. 

this is because when you fast, it freaks your body out. it doesn’t know what to do. 

then when you finally eat again, your body just retains every last bit it can and converts it all to fat because it doesn’t know when it’s going to get those nutrients again. 

eating barely anything during the day like the 2,4,6,8 diet and things like that where you only eat like, 200 calories a day? that does the same thing. 

when you eat like this, you deprive your body of vital nutrients. you make yourself sick.  

if your’e trying to lose weight, go here ->http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htmcalculate how many calories you should be eating daily. I’m guessing it’s somewhere over 1500. 

and that’s probably in the low range for extreme weight loss. 

so, if that’s what you’re supposed to be eating, imagine what you’re doing to yourself when you fast or eat less than half that number in a week. 

please stop starving yourselves.  

eat healthily and work out. burn more calories than you take in. that is how you should lose weight. i will do it with you, even, if you just promise me you will stop killing yourself. 

thanks. 

So, after all of the terror of seeing so many girls who chose to starve themselves for the sake of "beauty," I decided to set and example.

ten things. (fri, sept. 30)
this is what i’m gonna do. 

i’m going to lose weight. the healthy way. are you ready for this? 

1. drink water. if i can’t find water, fruit smoothies, sports drinks, things of that nature.
2. no more chex mix.
3. no more chocolate muffins/cupcakes.
4. get a decent amount of sleep.
5. cut down on white breads, pastas, etc. (aka carbs)
6. 3 sets of 12 lunges, 3 sets of 12 push ups monday, wednesday, friday, sunday
7. 3 sets of 12 squats, 3 sets of 12 sit ups tuesday, thursday, saturday
8. 30 minutes one the elliptical/stationary bike/treadmill (or combo) every day in addition to sets
9. stop making excuses.
10. love who i am. 

do it with me?

And so it began.

Day 1 (friday)
Today I officially started watching what I eat. I went on that calorie counter website today to calculate how many calories I need to intake to lose weight healthily. At my height (5’ 8”) and weight (204lbs) working out 5 times a week, these are my numbers: 

Maintenance: 2414 Cal/dayFat Loss: 1931 Cal/dayExtreme Fat Loss: 1632 Cal/day 

So, today I started counting calories. 

Breakfast: Nothing (0 Cal)Lunch: Flatbread/fruit smoothie (570 Cal)Snack: Acai Machine Naked Juice (280)Dinner: Brussel sprouts/pasta salad/honey mustard chicken/biscuits with apple butter(96+350+300+540=1,286 Cal)Total: 2,136 

So. Not the best day. I realize my dinner was a little indulgent… I made it. And originally there were no biscuits involved. But then my mom wanted biscuits. It is my first day. And I know that’s not an excuse, but this is a process. Honestly, the fact that I counted my calorie intake at all surprises me. Also, this helps me realize that on average, the way I’m eating now is just maintaining my weight, instead of at a level to lose it, which is what I want. So now I know what to look out for. I hope to improve this, little by little. Like I said, it’s a process. 

Day 2 (saturday)
Breakfast: Coffee with creamer (105 Cal)
Lunch: Under 550 Cal meal at Applebees (<550)
Dinner: 1 serving of some pasta thing my boyfriend made me/salad with raisins, pecans, and balsamic vinaigrette (180+90+75+unknown amount in the salad mix)
Total: 838 (aka not enough) 

Hmm… I’ll get there. Gotta figure out the balance. 

Day 3 (sunday)
Breakfast: Coffee with creamer (105)
Lunch: Apple, 1 serving of chili, 1 serving of sausage/egg/cheese casserole (95+unknown+unknown)
Snack: 1/2 of a Naked Juice (140)
Dinner: Cheerios, banana, skim milk (190+105+90)
Total: 725 + however many calories were in the casserole and the chili 

So. Toady was probably closer to how many calories I need to be eating, but still a bit short. I think I shall go get on the elliptical soon.  

Day 4 (monday)
Breakfast: Raisin Bran with Skim milk (280+90)
Lunch: Peach smoothie and flatbread (210+170)
Dinner: Cottage cheese and Turkey in honey wheat wrap with tomato, spinach, bell peppers, mozzarella, and cucumber (116+?)
Total: 866 + whatever my sandwich was 

Exercise: 30 min stationary bike (103 Cal); 10 min elliptical (100 Cal); 2 sets 12 lunges 

Today was a good day. I feel good. I’m really proud of the fact that I worked out today, because it is definitely not one of my favorite things to do. I’m still kind of under my calorie count compared to where I should be, but the thing is I eat, I feel full, I stop eating. It’s not like I’m starving myself, I promise. If I was that hungry, I would eat. Trust me. 

So yeah. Now I just need to keep up the motivation and I’ll be good (:

i think the best thing about this process is that i’m proud of myself. i always start things and then never finish them. but i’m determined to see this through. and for that alone, without even having lost the weight yet, i’m proud of myself.

however, in the way of weight loss, i have made an achievement already (: the other day when i stood on the scale, there was a 1 instead of a 2 at the beginning. i cannot even start to explain how good that made me feel about what i’m doing. so that’s what i’m working for. now that theres a one in front, i’m looking forward for when my weight starts with 18 instead of 19.

it’s baby steps like that that make me excited. because even though the end result will be fantabulous, i can’t look that far ahead. because if i get to 189, and i’m looking ahead to 145 (my ugw) i’ll feel really discouraged. but if i get to 189 and consider the fact that it was originally 204, then i’ll feel really good about the weight i’ve lost.

so, one day at a time. progress not perfection. all that jazz and other aa lingo.

<3