It's a quarter to 2 in the morning and I just painted my fingernails. In case you're wondering, the color is a rust orange, kinda, but prettier. It's called "Cross Iron" by China Glaze. It's one of the several polishes I got for Christmas. I also go "Meet Me at the Met" and "Art Dealer Teal-er". So, that's cool.
Basically, I haven't even been on this site since October. As I said in my last post, Tumblr is my new thing. It's kind of an obsession. But, on top of Tumblr taking over my life, I really just haven't had that much to talk about. I made some real friends at school. I'm not feeling lonely any more. I'm still losing weight. Basically, I've just generally been happier.
It's a funny thing I've observed throughout the years, but the happier I am, the less I seem to write. Or the harder it is to write. Or the less I have to write about... However you want to put it. The bottom line is that I write more/it's easier to write/I have more to write about when I'm sad or lonely or on the verge of depression. But recently, I haven't been any of those things. Which, I suppose, is a good thing for me and the people around me. I enjoy being happy. I mean, who doesn't? On the other hand, I do quite miss sitting down and writing out my feelings. Happy feelings, in case you've never experienced this on your own, are more difficult to express in words then sad feelings.
But tonight, alas, I am restless. Literally. I laid in bed and rolled around until I admitted to myself that there's just no way I'm getting to sleep any time soon (or potentially at all) tonight. I was restless last night, too, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe I'm just subconsciously over-excited and/or anxious to start another semester of college. Maybe I have a lot on my mind. That's probably it... I have a lot on my mind, I just don't quite know what it all is. What's on my mind, I mean.
Right now what I do know is that my eye itches in the insane way certain parts of your body itch when you shave to the skin and then let it grow out to a particular point. (Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.) And the itch is super persistent... I went to the loo to look in a mirror, but I didn't see anything. With my luck, I'm getting pink eye.
I also know that my boyfriend has school tomorrow. Thus, I cannot bother him with bothersome texts that shall keep him up until the wee hours of the morn.
I don't know why I just used words like "loo" and "morn," but I did, so deal.
I think that for once in my life, my nail polish dried without fingerprints or caverns or jagged edges in the paint. I'm pretty excited about that. (Oh, the little things...)
So, I'm going to confide something in you, internet, and hope that you don't care, or that you at least get a good laugh. But recently I've been thinking about marriage. A lot. I know, I'm 18 and that's silly. But hear me out. I haven't been thinking about marriage as in already planning my wedding or even wanting to get married any time soon. I already know I want to wait to graduate college before I go wed myself off to someone. But the other thing is, I know quite a few people getting married in the near future. So, it's natural that at this moment in my life I should think about marriage.
I want to get married. I can't wait to get married. I've always wanted to get married and have a family. Like I said, I'm going to wait. But it's still something I want. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years now and although he can be a pain (as most men can) he really is, what I believe to be, the love of my life. I can't see a future without him. And I know that at 18 that sounds love-sick-puppy-ish, but I'm being serious. He's the first and only boyfriend I've ever had, and we've dealt with a lot of things and I don't see us giving up on our relationship now. Honestly, I don't know what could be big enough to get in the way of us being together. (Unless of course we really don't make it through next December.)
I want to marry him someday, and I know he wants to marry me. I want to wake up next to him in the morning and fall asleep in his arms at night. I've always wanted that, with someone. But now when I think about it, it's with him, not just some random future daydream guy who will one day be replaced with my real husband. I love him and that's all there is to it.
The other thing on my mind recently is what to do with my hair. I haven't cut it since August and I haven't dyed it since October or something like that.... I'm letting it grow out but it's killing me to not dye it. Hair dye is seriously an addiction and it's really bothering me that it's so dull right now. I want to dye it crazy colors while I'm still young and it's acceptable to do so. I'm thinking once I get it grown out a little longer, I'm going to do a fade on the tips and then dye them teal. I think that would look pretty sweet.
Anyway, the real reason I'm on here is because It's now a little after 2 a.m. and I legitimately can't sleep. I'm texting my long-lost-sister from Alabama about potentially visiting her during my spring break, but that's probably not going to happen... I'm also thinking about all the friends I'm going to miss when I head back to college. I got to see them all over this break, but it's not enough. Not when I'm used to seeing them every day in high school...
Anyway, I might try to lay down and sleep again. I'm quite tired, but that doesn't mean anything these days. If sleep doesn't want to come, it won't.
Much love,
Kinsey
PS- Bo Burnham is giving a show in Michigan the weekend of my birthday. I want to go.
PPS- You thought I was going to go a post without mentioning him, right? Well, I hope you didn't place bets. I haven't forgotten (;
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